I think it’s time I told you about the book I’m writing. I’ve been wanting to tell you for ages, but just wanted to build a bit of a rapport with you first. You being a set of eyes I’ve never encountered (probably), gazing across your screen of choice. Currently, the book stands at 55631 words written across 140 pages of A4. And I’ve reached an interesting point: wrap up the story in another 10,000 words max, or drag it out (in an enjoyable way) for longer still. I’ve been at this point for about a year? Well, I’ve lost count. The document on my desktop doesn’t get open very often. In fact I’m looking at it now and I’ve just reminded myself I’m meant to be refactoring a massive, complex bit in the middle.
Seven years is the length of time it’s taken me to write the 140 pages. I’m six years off my original estimate. To be fair, back when I was a wide-eyed, bright, excitable 14 year old, anything seemed possible, and seemed possible quick. According to teenage me, I should be retired and living off the royalties from the book and movie adaptation. But adult me has responsibilities, university, and a girlfriend. The real me has responsibilities and university. It’s difficult to fit into the schedule a redraft of chapter eleven.
What is interesting is just how much the style of writing has changed over the years. Example: seven years ago, the first line of the first chapter of the first draft was literally, ‘Hi my name is… and I am a 16 year old male…’ You knew this kid’s entire backstory, his current achieving grade and favourite independent supermarket literally by the end of page 1. Nowadays the style is much more sophisticated and I like that. Even though it’s been a long process, it’s been a rewarding one. One of my favourite things to do is read over previous chapters and (amongst laugh at my own jokes) identify the bits of myself I forgot I had put in there. This book is riddled with fragments of my personality. If you knew me and you were to read it you would be like, ‘Oh yeah, he definitely wrote this book’. Very early on it became apparent that I am writing the book I would absolutely love to read one day. Hopefully everyone would want to read it.
I have to finish it first. And that’s where the problem lies. Currently, I’m writing draft two. Draft two is more syntactically and grammatically correct than draft one, but not just that, it’s actually just better. I was apprehensive to start another draft three and a half years ago, but actually it’s paid off. The overall story hasn’t changed significantly; it’s just more realistic and less childish. I love childish, stupid humour, but if you ever read draft one of this book, you would’ve thought some disturbed six year old wrote it. The number of times that it was so blindingly obvious that I was trying so hard to be funny was embarrassing. And it was weird. One character in particular completely pushed the boundaries of social etiquette in a way that was meant to be hilarious, but in hindsight proved worrying and stupid. Draft two corrects all of that in a way I’m really pleased with.
I’m aware I’ve told you nothing about what the book is about and with good reason. With this blog article going on the internet I don’t know who would read it and who would try to steal any of my ideas. I haven’t worked on this for seven years only to have it ruined now. But know this: it is good. I might be bias, but if it was really that bad I would’ve started draft three already. Anyway, I would recommend you go to your local bookstore right now and pre-order a copy right now. The lines are going to be massive. Or you could just wait another two years.
Remembers dissertation to complete